Don’t Give a Toddler a Five Star Meal (or how to Handle Difficult People)

I was pondering this morning how to navigate relationships with difficult people. Like people you have to have strong boundaries with, but that want to know a lot about you. Emotionally immature people, who you don’t want to share deeper details of your inner world with. But people, all the same, who are in your life for one reason or another.

Sometimes having a strong boundary is good and exactly what is called for. “No”, or “none of your business”, can be enough. But sometimes it can feel exhausting, like your steeling yourself against a possible attack, and the boundary doesn’t feel 100% peaceful. This is for that moment.

I came up with the metaphor of giving a toddler a five star meal. You wouldn’t do it! They don’t have the capacity to appreciate it. They might think it’s gross, or throw it on the floor for fun. Toddlers want cheese and bread and simple things.

It’s the same with folks like this. YOU are the five star meal (not to get too weird with that). Like…your inner world and the details of your life are rich and nuanced and complex. Not everyone has the capacity to relate to it in a positive way. Instead of steeling against that person with hard boundaries, trying to protect your five star meal, you could just give them the simple carb version. It’s all they can really digest anyway.

What do I mean by that? For me, instead of telling someone the depth of my practice, how I see soul medicine, how I work with plants, etc. I could just say “I make tea for people and help them pick out herbs”.

Or instead of talking about how I speak to plants, and they teach me about life, and people, and how to be a better human, I say “I like to garden”.

It’s not lying, or being inauthentic. It’s just giving the appropriate amount of information to the right person.

Don’t give a toddler a five star meal!